Sometimes it's the little things that can make me feel like giving up.  The days when you're already behind schedule and you end up spilling coffee or tea on yourself.  Or, you get behind the wheel of the car and discover that the gas tank is empty when you've already had a tough morning.  

We've been searching for the car keys for over a week now and I'm not gonna lie, it SUCKS.  You may be thinking "Really?  That's IT, that's what's upsetting you?  Just lost keys??".  But, truth be told, it is a big deal.  It's a big deal when my hubby losing his car keys is a regularly occurring thing (and really, it gets expensive when you are getting keys cut every few months, especially the newer car keys which are computer based).  It's a big deal when you are struggling with sore backs and sore shoulders because of health issues and you have to keep looking through furniture.

Yes, I know... I'm complaining, but sometimes, it's hard to just plaster a smile on my face and be 'joyful'.  But, we can be joyful in times when we're sad too.  We don't always have to be 'happy'.  When times are tough, I have realized that it's okay to just take the time to process that.   As I think of this, I'm reminded of Ecclesiastes 3.

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

I'm having a difficult day not being grumpy and I'm doing my best to be honest and at the risk of being judged I'll continue to do just that.  Some days, I'm not happy, but does that mean I've stopped trusting God?  No, I still do.  Do I believe that God is good?  Yes, I do.  I'm remembering, that God allows some situations to teach us and it's okay to take that time to work through those problems, recognizing that I don't have to pretend to NOT be struggling.  Do I struggle to understand WHY things happen, yes, I do.  I would bet that many of you struggle with that too.  

Right now, the reality is that with our family's job situation, money is in short supply and it's a PERFECT time to be hit with another bill in the hundreds of dollars for new car keys (please read that sarcastically).  All day, I've struggled emotionally, because it seems like things like this KEEP happening to us, the minute we get on our feet, we're kicked down again.  It can be overwhelming at times, to KEEP going and not just keep going, but keep going with a positive mindset.  To keep going and not feel frustration that God hasn't stepped in and changed our circumstances.

So, as my mind is screaming at God, I also start remembering the Bible and it's a passage that I have thought of many times over the past six years "Give us this DAY our daily bread".  God reminds me that every day, He has provided and He wants us relying on Him for that provision.  He has also reminded me that if we have to get new car keys made, He will provide that money to do so.  Do I like it?  Do I like that I'm in the constant position of HAVING to let people step in to provide for us?  NOPE!!!  Not. At. All.  Because, that means I have to be vulnerable, I have to be open and FLAWED.  People have to see me hurting and I don't like it. 

But, back to that book God has give us, yunno, the Bible.  In the book of Acts, we read about the early Church.  We read that NOBODY went without, that people cared for one another and surprise... That's what God wants us to do.  There is no 'quota' for how often we are to step in and reach out to others.  I don't read anywhere that people got upset about having to help one another. 

Yesterday at Church a group of friends spontaneously got together for dinner.  You see, nobody wanted to leave and we just wanted to keep being around one another.  So, families stopped at home, or stores and brought a bunch of food.  The kids played in the yard, we pulled together dinner and just laughed and lived life.  But, remember, we have no car keys!  Our daughter needed her car.  So, we cancelled on the group of friends.  But, do you know what happened?  Somebody came to pick us up.  We found out later that it was an immediate reaction to jump in the car and get us with no hesitation.  We were even told "It wouldn't have been right if your family wasn't here, because, we're all family together".  That alone spoke volumes to me, even though we have no car keys... lol!  

As I write this down, it's like a therapeutic reminder that God WANTS us in that place.  If I were self sufficient and able to provide finances on my own with no need for relying on Him every day, would I get to the place of that beauty when the Body of Christ comes together and lives life like I've seen?  Would I know what true Christ like love is if I weren't vulnerable and showing my flaws and yet still being loved?  

The answer is no, I don't think I would have seen that.  If I were not relying on God, I would not be broken down to letting people into my life.  If I hadn't let people into my life, I wouldn't have seen groups of friends rally around us and help us like they have in the past several years.  

And at the end of the day THAT is what God wants.  He wants us treating each other like family, even when there's frustration and hurt.  God wants us in that vulnerable place to learn from each other.  

Now... If I could only find those car keys!