Be at Peace


As I was hanging the laundry out last week, I started dwelling on all that was wrong with me and I immediately started comparing myself to others.  Why did I feel that everyone else seemed to be capable of accomplishing more?  

Normally, I end up sad and feeling like a complete failure after I start down the rabbit trail of comparison.  But, this particular day, as I reached for the clothes pegs, I did something rare... I started thinking about WHY I hadn't done more that month and I reminded myself there were good reasons for me to have not kept up with my normal routine. 

For starters, my family had endured a brutal month, and by brutal I mean just that, brutal.  My husband and I had both been laid off and only had a couple of weeks left of work,  in the midst of that stress, there were car repairs because our car broke down, close family members and some friends were in and out of the ER (complete with a week long hospital stay), we had an ER visit ourselves, medical procedures and tests (not related to the ER) and even a car accident thrown in there.  That was just three weeks of the month and here I was angry at myself for not doing 'more'.

Having both parents laid off is a lot for any family.  Throw in a sick parent, it can be chaos, add in medical procedures and multiple hospital visits and well, you get the picture.  That's a lot, for anybody.  So, instead of getting angry at myself, I started thinking about what I HAD accomplished.  

I'd not given up my faith in God, I'd still managed to get out of bed each day, I'd redone my resume, helped my husband keep up with his job leads and answered phone calls and e-mails about those leads, I'd also kept on top of multiple forms that needed to be filled out for different medical tests I was having.  Some days, I felt like I was drowning in paper work, others days, I felt like I was running a marathon while enduring severe physical pain.  But, I still went to Church, helped others, talked to friends and answered questions about how our family was coping.  

I also struggle with depression and anxiety.  When times get tough, it's hard to keep my chin up.  No amount of people telling me "Be positive", or "Don't focus on your circumstances" can change how hard it is for me to get out of bed and put a smile on my face.  I do try, I really do.  But, some days, it's all I can do to face the world.  

The truth is, God never told us to be perfect.  He is perfect.  But, we are not.  God wants us to do our best.  We are to do what we can to offer our lives as a living sacrifice, to not tire of doing good and to complete tasks with all our ability (Rom 12:1, Ecc 9:10, Gal 6:9).  Somehow, in the chaos of life, I often forget that and get angry at myself for not completing all 100 plus items on my to do list.  I need to remember that I'm not like others and to not end up frustrated because my family doesn't have a perfect home, or that I haven't ran a marathon, or don't cook six course gourmet meals..  

Yet, even if I were perfect, would I still complete everything on that to do list?  It's not realistic to expect that I'll do it all, when I have a busy family, when there are traffic jams and family illnesses.  

So, I am left with this.  Have I given my all?  Have I tried my best?  Despite my hurts and pains, have I gotten up and tried to do what I can?  At the end of the day, when people ask me "Have you found a job" I can answer and be truthful with "I'm doing my best". 

As far as that comparison thing goes,  let's also live by the same thought, let's do our best to NOT compare and to live with God's grace and mercy as we do our best.  
In my perfectionist mind, I somehow think that I'll wake up and complete every 100 p

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